The Selfish Years

Apart of growing up and chasing after your own dreams means you have to be a little selfish. I know it sucks but one thing I've realized is that as much as I love the people around me, I am at a point in my life where each road I cross there are two different roads and I struggle constantly to choose the right one. But what I've realized that sometimes the two paths aren't simply the right one or the wrong one just two choices that can lead you to different lives.

Do I ever wonder how my life would be at this very moment if I still lived in California?

Or even Arkansas at that?

Constantly.

Some people say that they can make a decision and "never look back" and if they are telling the truth then good for them. Maybe it's a part of my anxious personality but my mind is constantly racing wondering if the decisions I make that day was the right one.

I have missed one too many last goodbyes from people I cherish so much in my life.

I have to listen on the phone to people I love crying as I wish I could do anything to be there as their shoulder to cry on and to just simply give them a hug.

When my little brother is at an age so delicate that each week he is getting bigger and bigger I can barely recognize him in the photo my dad sends me.

These are some of the many hardships I have to deal with because of my personal goal to succeed but it is a decision I made by choosing this path in my life. But even with this profound selfishness I newly developed, I make sure to show my care in other ways, not by my physical presence but for being there for whomever touches my heart in any way I can while still being true to myself and my goals. It is a hard road to choose and sometimes I am left second guessing everything but one thing I know is true is that I am still in my exact situation for a reason and I know that no matter the miles the people close to me know how much I care about them and their support is the reason I am here today.



This post is influenced by a recent death in Arkansas. A friend of mine since elementary school whose life was taken too young. Not only is he a friend of mine but he was an on and off boyfriend for my best friend since we were children. Ash, I wish with all my heart I was there by your side right now and I love you very much. This is for you, Jose. RIP

crossing the comfort zone

So I realized I keep on mentioning the fact that moving to New York "broke me out of my comfort zone" but I never really explained how it exactly happened, so here you go....

It all started at the first week I was here. I slowly began to realize everyone's daily routine was beyond hectic. I knew a few people here in the city but it didn't take long for me to see how busy a New York day was. I wasn't really on "the grind" the first few weeks I lived here. I began looking for jobs and apartments but found myself with a lot of spare time to explore the city and no one to explore it with.

I decided to just walk.
and walk some more.

I found myself stumbling to the New York Public Library and for the first time ever (without force by a teacher) I got a Library card. I found myself getting lost in the isles of the Library most of the days.

By night time I would call anyone and everyone I knew in the city hoping someone would get a happy hour drink on their way home from work- because I mean c'mon I just moved to the city don't they want to see me!!- but I found people needing to meet deadlines or too exhausted to do anything but go home.

One day I walked into a cute little bar because to be honest, I just liked the tikki lights hanging outside and I was desperate for a margarita after a lonely/stressful day getting lost in the subway. I sat down at the bar (very confused on where to put my enormous coat- note that in New York bars there is a hanging lever right underneath your chair) I think it was obvious I was .5 seconds away from a mental break down when the bartender kindly gave into a conversation with me. His name was James and from this day forward we became bar friends (aka I would come in all the time and would order a "spicy margarita" even thought that is not what it is called here and he would call me Cali girl). Although it was strictly a bartender-customer friendship I valued the New York insight he always gives me and well, obviously the free drinks every now and then. He will never understand how simply talking to me at the bar helped me grow into the city.

I began doing so many things alone. And kept on pushing myself to be more independent. Just the other day I told myself I needed to go to a restaurant alone (something I have always been scared/ too awkward to do). Okay... so maybe I didn't fully conquer that one but I did go to a corner pizza shop and ate at a table there alone so that kind of counts right?

What I'm trying to say is that how I allowed myself to step out of my comfort bubble was to not be afraid to be alone. I never realized how codependent I was until I was forced to be alone... and now look at me! I go to the public library, happy hour and dinner alone! I challenge you to have a little more "me" time and I truly feel like you will see a side of yourself you never knew existed.

All Black Everything

One thing that has changed majorly since I have moved here to New York is my style.

I was the stereotypical California girl who lived in my high-waisted Levi's and flip flops. The outfit could transition into a winter outfit in a blink of an eye with just throwing on a flannel and booties... and maybe a floppy hat if I was feeling adventurous. But that whole look has changed now. When I wear my jean shorts I don't feel like myself (and I look like a pre-teen Justin Bieber lover).

Maybe it is a part of growing up... or the climate change but I find myself lusting over pleated trousers and cardigans at Banana Republic rather than Brandy Melville's one-size-fits-all cotton dresses.

Maybe I am just being a total female and overthinking it but I feel like my change of wardrobe is a reflection on how I have changed since I moved to New York. I'm still the same clutzy-silly-girl everyone knows but there is a tougher backbone that I developed while growing into my own independence. There are days where I look in the mirror with my hair in a bun wearing my Chelsea boots and waxed jeans and can barely recognize myself. I constantly think about me a year ago and thinking how much I have changed in one year. I am 23 years old and have so much to learn about myself but I'm beginning to mold into my body and truly understand who I am and I don't think I could have had this realization if I didn't step out side of my comfort zone and move to the east coast. So yeah, I could be getting a little deep about my style change corresponding with my experience and growth here in the city. But I think its kind of awesome that your style can change with your personality mostly when you are realizing it. If I could change this much in 7 months who knows what a whole year in New York will do to me... I'm itching to see... and I will keep y'all posted with each new revelation I have. Until next time xx

BFFL

Today's muse are the ones I hold close to my heart.

Whether it is friends or family or even just a stranger that touches your heart one day, life's obstacles cannot be taken on alone. I consider myself a (somewhat) independent person. Moving to New York was probably the scariest thing I have ever done. In LA I felt comfortable with my life, I had a great group of friends, apartment, job and life. To sit back on your life as a 22 year old and feel comfortable scared the shit out of me.

I never voiced this worry to anyone. Comfortable left me happy, it was that simple. Once I decided to move to New York after buying a one way ticket two days in advance from my scheduled departure I felt unlike myself, a new me.

Moving to New York has been such an eye opener but it is not all fun and games like I show on my social media. There has been countless amounts of nights I wanted to give up or Friday nights spent alone in my bed with no friends eating fried chicken and watching Netflix.

I could have never gone through this transformation without a solid group of people on the sidelines cheering me on. Thank you mom and dad for listening to me cry on the phone and helping me get through the cold February days (with buying me down coats and seamless meals). Thank you Molly for listening to me vent at 4am about things you have heard over and over again. Thank you Yvette for coming to my rescue when my heart was broken and spending each and every day letting me open up to my new city, I will never forget us getting ready on top of my bed with a bottle of wine and Brit's playlist on full blast. And thank you Sara for coming on my birthday weekend when I had no one to spend it with forcing me to embrace each and every day and always giving me motivational speeches.   I can't forget mister Frankie Sharpe who - to say it simply- I wouldn't want to have experienced this transition with anyone else by my side. Just a few memorable people who helped me transition into the (somewhat) New Yorker I am today.

I consider myself a new and improved me but I could have never done it without a handful of special people in my life. There are others who have touched me as well so don't feel as if I'm leaving you out but during the specific vulnerable times I have experienced thus far in the big apple these select people touched my heart in a way that I never thought were possible.

Meet Me

 

      Karlin Ready was 22 years old when she decided one Friday morning that she was going to pack up her bags and move to New York the following Monday. "It was all a blur to be honest" Karlin says when describing the experience. She was a stereotypical California girl filled with an open soul and a free spirit that everyone believed would be chewed up and spit out by the Big Apple.

     It has been only 7  months and she has now fit the city on the palm of her hand. Each day learning a little more about the city and a lot more about herself. The reason why she moved here many can argue. Was it for school? Her long-term boyfriend? Or just an itch for an exciting adventure. I guess we will never know but as an upcoming socialite and driven marketing professional this will not be the last time you will see her name in the media.

    As she sips on a diet coke and laughs as we share strange stories of the New York lifestyle, I can still see the innocent California girl hidden underneath the cold-hearted New Yorker image she tries so hard to be.

    When asking her how she breaks the ice when networking herself in this concrete jungle she simply says "I was born Ready"
*drops the mic*